I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
