I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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