Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
