i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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