Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
