and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
