singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
