i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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