Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
