Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
