Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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