Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
