How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
