if i can run in heels then i can drive
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
