Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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