new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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