Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
