My room smells like vodka and shame
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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