yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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