i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
