I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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