if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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