I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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