I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
