My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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