Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
