I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
