I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
