dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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