I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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