Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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