you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
