Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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