mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
