Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
