4 words: hood of his car
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
