I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
