Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
