If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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