he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
