Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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