just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
