So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
