K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
