how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
