I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
