when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize