she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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