on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I AM VODKA MAN
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
