The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In America we eat man semen.
Life is so much better after having sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
