Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
