Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
