I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
