i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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