Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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