I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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