Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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