I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
