so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize