Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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