dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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