dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
