Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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