Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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