You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
