No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
