please come you make the beer taste better
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
