Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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