It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just gargled with NyQuil
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
