this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
