Nicole vs. Life
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
