dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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