there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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