he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize