I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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