y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
