I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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