I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize