Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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