legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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