batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
