if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
