Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
