i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just invented taco cereal.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
