Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
